no, he came in my armpit
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
