Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
one two three fourrrrnication!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
