i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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