WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
