Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
