please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She bit a glass in half.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize