Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
