just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
