if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
