At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
