that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
