A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
