i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
