we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
