"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
