apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
