Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
