ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
