sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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