I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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