she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
