Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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