I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
