If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
