You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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