I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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