doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
