so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
