me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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