i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize