he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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