you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
