I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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