My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize