I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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