Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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