so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
