Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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