my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize