State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
