so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
