What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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