Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
