Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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