Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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