he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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