R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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