I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Couch. On fire.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
