I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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