Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
