I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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