Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
