She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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