dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
