i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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