apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
