Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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