I'm pants shitting drunk right now
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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