I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
