I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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