I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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