Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize