dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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