she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
