I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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