I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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