I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
