Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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