On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
