Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize