Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
