She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
