How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
