He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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