I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
