Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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