I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
