We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
