So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
