i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
