You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you never un-have a 4some
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
