Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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