Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
