I should be sponsored by Trojan
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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