highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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