sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
