oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
