I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
