You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
