Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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