Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
