i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
