I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
