ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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