Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
